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Bert Is Evil


John invited his mom over for dinner to meet his new roommate, Mike. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been curious about John since he was so handsome and popular yet didn't have a girlfriend. His new roommate made her even more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two men interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mike and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Mike came to John and said, "Ever since your mom came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle my grandma gave me. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Love, John

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mike, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Mike. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now."

Love, Mom

A Day At The Doctors Office

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he undressed himself, and began having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."

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